Amidalite ... afe !!!
Primeira e (espero!) ultima vez ...

Here I am ... sleepless ... thinking of so many things ...
Still confused ... actually, seems to me that, as the time goes by, I get more and more confused ...
Each day I think more and more, feel different, try to "solve" things in my head ...
The truth is: I CAN'T ...
Just can't ...

I keep wondering if "the answer" will come as it did, almost eleven years ago ...
If I'll be surprised by a new feeling ... something that suddenly happens ... something that JUST HAPPENS ... and that we don't have control about it ...

Sometimes I feel afraid ...
Maybe won't happen ... ?
Maybe I'm pushing too hard ... ?

Sometimes I think that the best thing to do would be away ... to stay away ...
What do I FEEL ?
How do I FEEL ?

I try to understand what's in my heart, soul ... but I can't ... just can't ...

My mind keeps telling me some things ...
But they are normally different of what my heart does ...

I can't think straight ...

I can't feel different ...

Can't change the way I feel ...

Even if would be the best for me ...

Sometimes I hate to be human ...
Sometimes I hate to think ...
Maybe I'd like to act (only) by instinct ...
Maybe I'd like not to feel a thing ...
Anything ...

Something's missing ...

I do know what it is ... but I can't help it ...

And I won't ... Sorry for myself ... But can't change it ...

Let it out ... let it out ...

I'm keeping some stuff inside of me ... don't feel fine to talk about it with anyone I know ... don't think I should ...
Yeah, because I do know myself, can you picture me now ??? LOL
But I'm holding things on ...
Have to ... gotta make it ... until ............................................................

I wish I could predict my future ... I wish I could know how to act ... I wish I could know something - a little tiny thing !!! - about someone else's feelings, thoughts ...

This is f* hard !!!

Even more because I'm feeling so F* good ................................................................................
As Nickelback once sang ... "Feeling Way To Damn Good" ... !!!

I know ... I deserve it !
But, hey ...
I'll wait !

See ya ........... ;)

Another one ... gone ...

LOL

Life is so, so funny ...

I wish I could just NOT LIVE THIS LIFE ...
... in my "Alice's World" ... it's all so different ...

QUE SE FODA A PORRA TODA !!!
Nao e isso, afinal ???

Tired of this "virtual world" ... as much as from the "REAL" world ...

Because there is no REAL world, since we don't have REAL people ...
OK ... we do have 'em ...
But ... their actions ... their feelings ... their SOULS ...
Are they REAL ?
ARE YOU FOR REAL, PEOPLE ???

F* tired ...

I'd like to vanish now ... as I did yesterday ... and as I do know I'll do tomorrow ...

So many things on my mind now ...

EU NAO SOU ESPECIAL !!!

I AM NOT SPECIAL !!!

Sick ... ?

Dizzy ...
... dizzy ... !!!

Can't stand it ...
Actually, after facing "Panic Disorder", nothing scares me ...

But ... not to get to know what's wrong ... men ... pisses me off !!!

OK ... again ... set an appointment with a doc ... another one ...
Thousand exams ... maybe some medication ...

Here we go again .................................................................................

F* !

Worst thing will be tomorrow ... can figure already ...
Missed my day at work today, so ...

And ... whenever I say that people do not pay what it worth ...........................

Funny thing ... I always try to laugh from things that might make me pissed ...
Always try to understand other people's reasons, their motivations - or why they miss it ...
It's really easy to say to someone that you do like, care, love or feel good about, but ...
What about MEANING THAT ???
And, besides ... what's the "meaning" of saying it, if it's not how you really feel ... inside ?

The inside ... ours ... no one will ever be able to know ... unless we say !

The others ... maybe we're not even allowed to know ... unless they say !

"Life is complicated", some people says ... I thought that, by thinking as a men, sometimes, would be easier ...
Guess what I just found out ?
They, MEN, can't handle it ... NO, THEY CAN'T !!!

Maybe scares to see that "a little, pure, cute little girl" might have a little more strenght (in an outside !) than they do, themselves ...

I'M NOT SPECIAL !!! WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE IT ???

TPM ......................

To
Puta
Mesmo !!!

Que P* e essa que me corroi uma semana por mes ???
Ninguem merece ... nem eu !!! :P

Confusao de cheiros, sentimentos, gostos, amores, dissabores ................................

Loucura nos pensamentos, atitudes, na falta delas ...

Mistura de passado, futuro, presente (???) ............................

To VANISH .................. beautiful verb ................................................................

Dream on ...

... my whole day was thinking about someone ...

Who's far, far away ... but who does makes me feel fine ... good, happy ...
Someone that, whenever I think of, feel a little smile growing in my face ...
Someone that, even not close enough, I feel that I can trust in ...
Someone who might be "the one" ... even if only for a night ... THE NIGHT ...

Man ... gotta stop ... because I don't think that to keep dreaming is the best way to live ...

Gotta wait ... and see ...

Hoping and praying for the best, that's for sure !!!

As Greek Gods, they might help me (us) .................................

Kiss ... night, night ... :D

Changes ...

... as Mr. Osbourne says ... "I'm going to changes" ....................

Started, already ... LOL ........... From 12.25.2010 til today ... many ... and significant ones !

The last one ... - so far, because isn't the last ! - ... my tattoo ! My FIRST tattoo ...

:D

05.17.2010 ................ Claudio's Art ... Remelenta ... FOREVER ... in me ! ;)
Told him about doing all of his drawings ... the characters ... thought so ? :D

Oh, well ... here "she" is ...

... !!! ... ???

Wednesday ... almost gone ...

Trying to understand what I'm feeling ... what I'm doing ... for real ...
To me ... to myself ... with my life ...

Keep thinking the same about other people ... but I can't change or even try to influence someone ... anyone ... ever ...

Like Claudio says ... "You can't get a blue car and suddenly want it to turn out red ..."
Or, best ever ... "You're not special, I'm not special ... none of us are !"

Feelings, nothing more than feelings ...
Trying to forget my feelings of hate ... Oh, well ...

Better stop for now ... a headache is approaching ... guess why ?

ADOROOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!! :D

Wulffmorgenthaler.com | Comic strip | Entertainment - Since 2002. A Commentary on Life: Politics, News, Entertainment, Technology, Culture, and Weirdo Beavers

Posted using ShareThis

...

Tive que "voltar" aqui ...

Ramones, "Blitzkrieg Bop" ! Hahahahaha ...

O que e isso, hein ??? Hein, Alem ??? Me diz !!!

:P

Chega ... vou dormir !!! Ta, ta ... vou deitar !!! Se durmo ... nao sei !!!

Insonia ? :P

03:33 AM ... So what, hnnnnnn ?

Listening to some good music (AMAZING, BTW ... "Hey, You", Pink Floyd ...)

Penso no que fazer ... comigo ... hahaha ... da vida ...

Livre ... FREE ... to do what I want ... Any old time ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTkiuGDRTvc

FNM - "Midlife Crisis" now ...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!! Vou pra cama ! F*- SE !

Em Português, vai ...
(Hahaha ... como se isso fosse o incomum !!!)

Não sei ... não sei o que acontece ... como posso sentir-me tão ansiosa ... tão bem ...
Daí feliz (?) ... ah, alegre ... bem ... muito bem ...

E daí ... E daí ... ?!?
Esse misto de sentimentos, essa confusão exagerada, essa loucura ...
Totalmente DESVAIRADA ... !!!
Não sei o que me espera, agora, ali na esquina, amanhã, num outro clima ...
E isso assusta ... ah, se assusta ... (!!!)

Sentir ... querer ... pensar ... ter ... ?

"The Secret" ...............................................

Oh, no ... In English !!! LOL (:/)

Man ... quiet now ... that´s all for today, folks ...

(I do have witnesses !!! Beated ... down ... oh, my heart ... say it !)

? ... To start ... ?

LOL ................ define my day, my life, my thoughts, my feelings ...

Yes, just like this .. UNDEFINED !!!

?????

Always try to think that that's how should, MUST be ...
But, sometimes, when all that you're looking for are ANSWERS ... kinda hard to buy it !!! :/

So much to say ... but then I'll get back to the "too much thinking" part, and not too much in the mood now ... :P

New day ...
Brand new day ...

Feeling fine ... happy ... FREE ...
Feeling dismissed of all bad sensations, vibrations, all that can make me feel untrusted ...

I do KNOW how things must be ... I do KNOW how they are ...
And, not feeling special ... makes me feel fine ...

"Summer Breeze" - Type O' Negative - Peter ... R.I.P. !

Shocked ...

Funny ... I'm happy ... so, so HAPPY :D !!!

No one needs to see ... nor know ... ;)

"Enter Sandman" - Metallica

"Exit light
Enter night, take my hand ....................."

Never never land ?!? LOL

Men ...................... so happy ... couldn't figure how good would be ... to feel happy for a short time, but enjoy it as a LIFETIME ...

Sometimes all we need is ... CARPE DIEM ... as well ... day by day ... each day ... every new day ... as a new life ... LOL

Veeeeeeeeeeery cheap philosophy ... LOL

Amazing day !!! :)


"Crazy Train" - Ozzy !!!



P.S.: Miss you too !

Podemos engañar al principio
Pero lo qué tiene que suceder sucede
Y eso no depende de nosotros ...

Buen viaje
Cuidar siempre
Ser feliz ... :D Sao Paulo, 24.04.2010

Puzzle ...

... trying to put the pieces together ...

Know those puzzles with 1.000.000 pieces ? No ? Can you picture it ? : /

Wish I could just see it done ... the whole picture ... done !

So I wouldn't "waste" my time trying to do it ...
Still confused ... and I know that, the way things are going ... there's no way turning back ...
Funny thing ? I don't think I WANT (or CAN) to turn back ... on time ... on this fate ...

Hootie & The Blowfish - "Time"

What makes me (laugh, cry, get angry, happy, upset, feel lonely, cheer ...) is that I wasn't expecting it ... nor wanting, wishing it ... At all !!!
Just happened ... as everything in life !!! (???)

Man ... oh, man ... enough for today ... better go for a shower ... wash it all away ... (If I could, you know I would !!!)

>>>>>>>>>> Placebo - "Ashtray Heart" <<<<<<<<<<<<

(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

F* Smoking Photo ...............................................................................................

Sem firulas ... sem vontade ... so desabafo ...

I 'm down on my knees again
Praying to the only one
Who has the strenght to beat the pain
To forgive all the things that I've done ...

Must be ME ...
Can't stand it ... way hurted, way in pain ...

All I can say is that my heart is BIG ... but it must be filled ... with LOVE ... all the love that I do have to give ... gotta receive back ...

Pretty confused ...

Keep thinking of how much our life can change ... and in a short period of time ... it happens ! I've seen it, over and over ... more than once, twice, three times ...
Man !!! F* ...
So, so tired ... and isn't physical ... mental, yes, and ...
AND ...

... feeling a little less ... ME ... a little less ... that devoted girl, you know ???

Fear, maybe ... old experiences, maybe ... some regret ... ? Well, maybe not ...
Can't regret of anything ... Give myself no right of doing it ... !!!

(Could someone tell me why do I THINK SO MUCH ???)

Thursday ... : /

"Se voce nao pode ser forte, seja pelo menos humana ..."

Trying to figure somethings ...
Man ... so, so, soooooooooooooo ... much fun ?

Lots of feelings, doubts ... ALL TOGETHER !!!

I'll keep thinking ... about what do I make ... DO I do something ??? Actually, since my date/engagement finished, I've been looking forward to know it ... :)

OK ... Com MUITO sono............... levantar umas 9, me lembrando ... !

I'll keep "talking" here, later ...

Bom diaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!

Das Beste vom Bestem ! ;)

Escolho sempre errado mesmo ... hahaha ... o meu xara que o diga !!! :P Sono ... ate amanha ...





Irmazinhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ... ;)
Gostou ?!? Pega pra voce !!! (Se ela quiser ...)

"One Headlight" - Wallflowers

Clau nao quer ir comigo ao Veloso nem a pau ... :P
"Melhor barman de SP, eleito pela quarta vez! ;)"

E a coxinha ??? Hmmmmmmm ... but, hey, Rory ... watch out for Brazilian pepper !!! LOL ;)
(LOVED IT !!!)

Flor ... Girassol ... faz tempo que nao planto
uns !!! ;)
So com a Bromelia, a Orquidea e a Camila (!!!) ... Saudades de mil e uma plantas ... domingo a tarde ... maos na terra, sementes, adubo,
regador ... :) A-D-O-R-O !!!

Assim como outras coisas ... adoro ... coisas que despertam o meu desejo ... pensamentos que vem e vao, vao e vem ...

TPM e F* !!! HAHAHAHAHAHA ...

Trying to think straight ... trying not to lose myself ... not to waste my time (?) ...


"Come on try a little, nothing is forever, There's got to be something better than
In the middle
But me & Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight ......................................."

Comi comida chinesa hoje ... yakisoba ... e, dos caras la que tbm comem carne de cachorro ... AFE !!!!! Credo ...................... disgusting !!!
Fui so no brocolis !!! E no shoyu ... hmmmmmmmmmm ... :)

"Rooster" .................. AIC


Nao sabia que hoje era (e) o Dia do Beijo ... :)



Recebi um e-mail ... com uma mensagem ... sobre pensamentos a respeito desse ato ...
Algo (realmente !) a se pensar ...
Mesmo que fraterno, amigo, sincero, despido de pudores ... a ser pensado ...

Ai, ai ... (suspiro !!!)

TLT amanha ... acordar mais cedo ...

AI, AI (suspiro duplo !!!) !!!

Beijo ... kiss ... beso ... baci ! :)


"Under The Bridge" - RHCP

Vou levar os dogs ao hospital ... veterinarios ... neuro pro Tutti e cardio pro Caco ...

Nenenssssssssss !!!

Update here later ...

Desde 02.04.2010 nessa ... hmmmmm ... correria ?
Bom ... o que importa e ve-los bem ...

E o carinho dos amigos tambem foi (e !!!) muito importante ...

Elis, Clau, Jose, Cidinha, Amanda, Angelica, Rica, LIP (!!!), Rodrigo, Rodrigo, Tiago, Paulo, Regis, Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim !!!

Leaving now ... ;)

Always facing my fears ... head up, any doubt down ...

Vou nanar ... tanto pra pensar ... pensando tanto ...

Ai, ai ...

:)

Led ... "Stairway To Heaven" ...............................................

Music is the fuel of life ... and that kinda music ... OMG !!! ;)

...

"My heart is aching for love, my body is shaking with desire ...
Believe me baby when I say ... I would drink you dry ..."

COWBOY, NO ICE !!!
Actually ICE would MELT ...


("Bestinha", Raimundos ...................... hahahahaha ... pirando aqui !!!)




"I see your face in the night ... I hear you calling my name ..."

PUTZ ...

"Me Lambe", Raimundos ...

DEMAIS !!! HAHAHA ... :P

Songs ................

"Need you by my side, to tell me it's all right ..."

Keep going ...

WWW (Where were we ?????) ...

Rascunhos ... digitados, nao escritos ... rascunhos ... pensados, nao ditos ...

Ouvindo Raimundos ... hahaha ... "Palhas do Coqueiro" ...

"All we need is love" ... Still feel that we can make the difference thinking like that ... man ... sensitive or what ??? WOMEN !!! :P

Vacina anti-gripe ??? H1N1 ???

Tem anti-rabica tbm ? Precisando ...

Traduza... "Mein Ehre heißt Treue" "Minha honra é a lealdade" Aulinha de alemao ... :)

Song ..................... "Only Happy When It Rains" - Garbage

"Nao pode ter curiosidade de conhecer alguem, sem segundas intencoes ???"

Vitima de mim mesma ... !!!

News ...........

(OK ... o blog e meu, entao ... fiquei mal ... por algo que nao tenho direito ... nao tinha, nao tenho ... somente e triste perceber que, apos 10 anos de relacionamento com alguem, quando o que se espera, la no amago, bem no seu intimo, e "ter alguem pra chamar de seu" novamente ... doi, sabe ?!? Bom ... tive e estou tendo algum tempo para digerir ... como tenho refluxo, nao sei o que vai rolar ... rsrsrs ... Dose cavalar de Omeprazol, talvez ??? :P)

Sobre mim ... creio que posso dividir os meus 29 anos em "ATP" e "DTP" ...

Antes e Depois do Transtorno do Panico ...

Isso ... assim mesmo ...
Ate porque considero que, apos ter passado pela doenca, superado o que de ruim passei (e que jamais desejo a ninguem !!!) ... nada a temer ... nada de panico ... por nada !!! ;)

Encaro da seguinte forma: somos fortes, e nao temos ideia do quanto ... em dadas situacoes nos deparamos com essa forca, ela nos mostra os caminhos, ela nos ENSINA A VIVER ...

E e assim que penso ... sou forte, tenho tudo o que preciso ... por que sofrer ?
Por algo, ou alguem ... ?
Entenda-se ... "Sofrer" ... Sentir algo que nao e correspondido, iludir-se e estatizar-se por isso ...

"Ninguem e de Ninguem" ... e que a frase nao seja encarada como convite de orgias e/ou promiscuidades ...
Somente o que e, de verdade, e como deveriamos encarar ... :)

And the story beggins ...

Entao ta, ne ...

Comeca aqui algo que esta em meus pensamentos ha um tempo ...
E que criei coragem para fazer ...

Engracado que sera um pouco restrito, mas ... faz parte !!! So a quem interessa ou possa interessar ... sobre mim, meus pensamentos, sonhos, ilusoes, certezas ...

Se interessar ... e isso ... seja bem-vindo ! Entre e fique a vontade ...


P.S.: o bom e velho "diario" deixado de lado ... 1981, 1991, 2001, quase 2011 ... Maravilhas da Tecnologia !!! E que ela nao nos sufoque ... ;)

P.S.2: C T - "Camila's Touch" ...................... by Dario !!!