Amidalite ... afe !!!
Primeira e (espero!) ultima vez ...

Here I am ... sleepless ... thinking of so many things ...
Still confused ... actually, seems to me that, as the time goes by, I get more and more confused ...
Each day I think more and more, feel different, try to "solve" things in my head ...
The truth is: I CAN'T ...
Just can't ...

I keep wondering if "the answer" will come as it did, almost eleven years ago ...
If I'll be surprised by a new feeling ... something that suddenly happens ... something that JUST HAPPENS ... and that we don't have control about it ...

Sometimes I feel afraid ...
Maybe won't happen ... ?
Maybe I'm pushing too hard ... ?

Sometimes I think that the best thing to do would be away ... to stay away ...
What do I FEEL ?
How do I FEEL ?

I try to understand what's in my heart, soul ... but I can't ... just can't ...

My mind keeps telling me some things ...
But they are normally different of what my heart does ...

I can't think straight ...

I can't feel different ...

Can't change the way I feel ...

Even if would be the best for me ...

Sometimes I hate to be human ...
Sometimes I hate to think ...
Maybe I'd like to act (only) by instinct ...
Maybe I'd like not to feel a thing ...
Anything ...

Something's missing ...

I do know what it is ... but I can't help it ...

And I won't ... Sorry for myself ... But can't change it ...

Let it out ... let it out ...

I'm keeping some stuff inside of me ... don't feel fine to talk about it with anyone I know ... don't think I should ...
Yeah, because I do know myself, can you picture me now ??? LOL
But I'm holding things on ...
Have to ... gotta make it ... until ............................................................

I wish I could predict my future ... I wish I could know how to act ... I wish I could know something - a little tiny thing !!! - about someone else's feelings, thoughts ...

This is f* hard !!!

Even more because I'm feeling so F* good ................................................................................
As Nickelback once sang ... "Feeling Way To Damn Good" ... !!!

I know ... I deserve it !
But, hey ...
I'll wait !

See ya ........... ;)

Another one ... gone ...

LOL

Life is so, so funny ...

I wish I could just NOT LIVE THIS LIFE ...
... in my "Alice's World" ... it's all so different ...

QUE SE FODA A PORRA TODA !!!
Nao e isso, afinal ???

Tired of this "virtual world" ... as much as from the "REAL" world ...

Because there is no REAL world, since we don't have REAL people ...
OK ... we do have 'em ...
But ... their actions ... their feelings ... their SOULS ...
Are they REAL ?
ARE YOU FOR REAL, PEOPLE ???

F* tired ...

I'd like to vanish now ... as I did yesterday ... and as I do know I'll do tomorrow ...

So many things on my mind now ...

EU NAO SOU ESPECIAL !!!

I AM NOT SPECIAL !!!

Sick ... ?

Dizzy ...
... dizzy ... !!!

Can't stand it ...
Actually, after facing "Panic Disorder", nothing scares me ...

But ... not to get to know what's wrong ... men ... pisses me off !!!

OK ... again ... set an appointment with a doc ... another one ...
Thousand exams ... maybe some medication ...

Here we go again .................................................................................

F* !

Worst thing will be tomorrow ... can figure already ...
Missed my day at work today, so ...