Amidalite ... afe !!!
Primeira e (espero!) ultima vez ...

Here I am ... sleepless ... thinking of so many things ...
Still confused ... actually, seems to me that, as the time goes by, I get more and more confused ...
Each day I think more and more, feel different, try to "solve" things in my head ...
The truth is: I CAN'T ...
Just can't ...

I keep wondering if "the answer" will come as it did, almost eleven years ago ...
If I'll be surprised by a new feeling ... something that suddenly happens ... something that JUST HAPPENS ... and that we don't have control about it ...

Sometimes I feel afraid ...
Maybe won't happen ... ?
Maybe I'm pushing too hard ... ?

Sometimes I think that the best thing to do would be away ... to stay away ...
What do I FEEL ?
How do I FEEL ?

I try to understand what's in my heart, soul ... but I can't ... just can't ...

My mind keeps telling me some things ...
But they are normally different of what my heart does ...

I can't think straight ...

I can't feel different ...

Can't change the way I feel ...

Even if would be the best for me ...

Sometimes I hate to be human ...
Sometimes I hate to think ...
Maybe I'd like to act (only) by instinct ...
Maybe I'd like not to feel a thing ...
Anything ...